Hometown Friends
They had my back
My Mother died in May and she told me a story the week before she died.
Her memory was of me in diapers and that I was out on the sidewalk by myself about to walk into a busy street when a women stopped her car, picked me up and knocked on several doors of the homes nearby until she found the one where my mother was.
My mother said “I guess I just lost track of you”
This story which I had never heard before, fit with the many stories of my childhood that I do remember and which caused me an immense amount of emotional distress as a young child.
My mother was a civil rights activist who gave her life and used her voice to lead people in protest. She created an organization called the Freedom Song Network so anytime there was a protest of any kind, she would gather her group and attend these events to lead people in song as a way to galvanize their voices and further their commitment and resolve. This was a technique she learned from her collaborators of the civil rights movement as they sang “We shall overcome” and “We shall not be moved “.
My mother was also an alcoholic and she never addressed this disease.
I was the last of her 7 kids and as the baby of the family, I was often cared for by my older sisters when she was incapacitated or absent. My mother loved me, Im certain of that, but she disappeared and disappointed me so much that I lost faith in her ability to care for me and often felt abandoned, lonely and scared.
After being left in a foreign country by myself at the age of 9, I began to approach my mother’s care with caution and set my focus on developing relationships with those outside of my family. I set out to make connections with friends as a way to escape my mother’s care and found people that were living with ease and who were both emotionally and financially resourced.
I am now a clinical and forensic psychologist who specializes in Mediation and have a successful career, a stable home, and a beautiful and supportive family life.
When I look back and think about how I got here, I see that the friendships of my youth and adolescence addressed the insecure relationship that I had with my mother and helped me successfully created a secure attachment to my community of friends.
So, I have decided to launch a podcast to explore the stories of our most foundational friendships.
I'm calling it Hometown Friends.
Check out the progress of this podcast by visiting the Instagram page @hometownfriendspod